Mary and Elizabeth

I am amazed by the crazy experience pregnancy must be for a woman.  Watching my wife go through it, it totally makes sense the immediate connection and solidarity that she has with other currently pregnant women. However, when I see this, I immediately try to categorize one woman as "Mary" and one as "Elizabeth" and either want the "Elizabeth" to be a mentor figure to us or my wife to be the mentor figure to the "Mary". Being the J that I am, I get especially gleeful if one woman is almost exactly 6 months ahead of the other. I'm a weirdo.

Relic of St. Mary Magdalene

As much as I love the Church, one of those things that I'm still trying to more fully understand is the devotion and veneration of relics.  Reading up on it a bit, I can grasp that the bodies of saints as former temples of the Holy Spirit through which many blessings of God were poured out ought to have a special place particularly in light of undertsanding our bodies via the Theology of the Body.  However, in practice, I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

A relic of St. Mary Magdalene (a piece of her tibia) was at Vallombrosa on February 20 making its California tour and I had the opportunity to go and see it.  This was my first time seeing a first-class relic and I had no idea what to expect.

Vallombrosa had provided some history on the relic and so it was nice having an explanation of the timeline all the way back to St. Mary herself.  When it comes to relics, I often find myself wondering how people really know it actually belonged to the saint.  I'm skeptical that some dude dug up a body part, made some outrageous claim, and then here we gullible people are, centuries later, wanting some affirmation of our faith and venerating it.  I don't really believe that, but the thought does cross my mind.  However, knowing how the Church moves and how careful she tries to be when it comes to claims like this helps that.

Entering the chapel where the relic was on display being venerated, there were many people praying before it (her?).  As I waited to go up to it, I was watching what other people were doing.  Most people went up to it, looked/stared at it, presumably praying in their heart, and then closed with a sign of the cross.  Then it was my turn.

"Wow!  That's a big-ass piece of bone."  That was my first thought.  Oops. 

"Hi! ..."  That was my second thought.

I hope I still looked reverent like everyone else.

Not having a lot of experience with non-living human body parts, I was surprised by how dark the bone was.  At the same time, I found myself struck by the fact that this was part of St. Mary Magdalene herself!  This flashed me back to a self-imagined dramatic, epic montage of the Bible stories of St. Mary.  Snapping back to reality, but with gravity still there, I had a deep sense of my faith connection being here in the 21st century going all the way back to the time of Jesus.  I felt privileged to be a part of such a rich history and even empowered to be able to continue on the battle of faith.  I closed with a quick prayer asking St. Mary to pray for me to continue to grow in my understanding of her, this whole relics thing, and following Jesus better.  Not the most eloquent, but it was me.

I think that might be what it's all about.

Procession of the relic of St. Mary

My Spoon is too Big

I was always under the impression that to be a man meant that you always had to be the big spoon.  It was the position of power and control.  You also got to be the protector and provider of warmth.

Since being married, I now have the possibility of spooning every night and for long periods of time.   However, that has turned the above ideal into awkward placements of the mattress side arm, mouthfuls of hair which always tickles your face first, and getting way too hot.

Being wiser and more married-er, I've discovered that a key to marital bliss actually lies in being the small spoon! The wifey still feels secure and warm wrapping herself around you, your arm no longer needs to go numb under her head (for some reason this isn't as big of a deal for women), and you can breathe easy, hair-free, AND have full control of the blanket thermostat (ie. how much you are in or out of the covers).  You can take that to the bank.

Chinese Dads are Asexual

Chinese parents suck at talking to kids about sex. I'm sure it's tough regardless of your ethnicity, but Chinese parents seem to extra suck at it. You add that to a modest culture and the fact that in society, up until recently, Chinese guys have been seen as asexual, and you get a tumultuous adolescence, particularly if you consider yourself a Christian.

There is lots of discussion on this topic so I won't go there this time, but there is a sub-topic that fascinates me. It's awkward for me to think about, but I can't for the life of me see a Chinese dad as a sexual being. It's already weird (and rare, I think) to see sexual situations in Asian media/dramas, but in real life it's even weirder. Recently, I was at a wedding where I heard that one of the dads in the wedding had cheated on the mom with her close friend. This was saddening, but not necessarily surprising since it's the type of drama you hear about a lot, especially on all these reality TV shows. However, then you remember that the dad we're talking about is someone like this:

and then it's like, "Whaaa..?!" You think all they care about is making money, making sure their offspring are successful, and solving engineering/math/medical problems. It's hard for me to think that they even have a horny bone in them. I don't think I've ever seen a Chinese dad check out another woman.

As I've gotten older and have come across more of our Chinese church gossip (which is a big problem, btw), there are lots of stories floating around about how various men have cheated. It's a sad (but not uncommon) situation, but I keep getting caught up on, "They...are out there....having sex?! *shiver* *dunks head in cold water*"

Daily Exodus

Growing up as a guy, taking a crap in middle school/high school was always shameful for some reason. Like if someone heard you were going to take a dump, you would get made fun of. Flash forward 10-15 years to the working world. There are only two stalls on a floor of 100+ people. All the guys (I can't speak for the girls) seem to take a crap around the same time each day - 10AM and 1:30PM. I suppose it's because it's right after breakfast and right after lunch. I'm no exception. However, overcrowding is a weird experience. When we all make our exodus to the bathroom, it's awkward going inside the bathroom, see that both stalls are in use and have to go down a floor. It's awkward if there are people at the sink who see you walk in, react with disappointment when you see that the stalls are in use, and walk out of the bathroom. In their head you know they're thinking, "Yup, they need to take a crap." Same deal when you walk right back out of the bathroom to head to the elevator to explore other floors and see the same people who just saw you walk into the bathroom 10 seconds ago. They know you're taking a crap too. Lastly, it makes me want to kick in a door when you discover the same thing on multiple floors. Adding the inconvenience factor to the urgency of bowel movements and it is hard to stay in a state or grace.

Fake Out Proposal

Among my broader circle of friends and acquaintances who are getting their marriage on, I’ve noticed a mini-trend. When the guys are imminently planning to propose to their girlfriend, it seems that inevitably, one of the ideas that gets tossed around is some sort of fake out where the guy will make the girl think he is about to propose and then doesn’t.

First, some background. In this broad circle (my wife and I included), it is very common for couples to go through some sort of pre-engagement counseling in addition to a pre-marital program. Now pre-marital counseling is nothing new, but pre-engagement counseling seems to be a newfangled thing. Impersonally, it seems to be a pervading value to make the best decision possible with the most information possible. More appropriately, couples usually do it to grow more deeply in their own understanding of self as well as explore more deeply the dynamics of their relationship.

As an aside, I highly recommend it as it was really helpful to “ask the hard questions” outside the context of being “locked in” (ie. a ring) and without the added overhead and the all-consuming process of planning a wedding. Said another way, it was helpful to prepare for a marriage instead of just preparing for a wedding.

Anyhow, doing so much relational processing as a couple will often times take out most, if not all, of the surprise of getting engaged assuming the couple discerns that they will be getting married (it would probably be a shock if they broke up). However, inevitably, the guy will still have some traditionalist sense of wanting to surprise his girl and it seems that the only way to reintroduce any surprise is to try and throw her off the trail.

This is why I think some sort of fake out idea is always tossed around. “I know she knows we’re getting married so if I ‘help’ her continue to think she knows what’s coming and then BOOM! not do anything, then I’ll be in the clear. Problem solved.”

I’m not saying that a fake out always ends up making the final cut. Sometimes, another female is introduced somewhere along the way who provides perspective for how extremely emotional it can be for a girl. But it seems that guys should get a little credit for wanting to keep some chivalry be it a bit misguided.

Awkward Gloria

Does anyone else notice that awkward moment during Peter Jones' Gloria?  I'm talking about the "call" at the 1:16 mark and the "non-response" at the 1:19 mark in the video below.



I mean, this version fills the space nicely with trumpets and other instruments, but most churches usually rock this version with only the piano which doesn't fill the space. And the next "have mercy on us" part is nicely call-and-response just like you'd expect with the rest of the song. What's up with that? Is there a musical or spiritual reason for this? Can someone explain it to me? For this moderately musically trained Chinese boy, it doesn't make much sense except for keeping me on my toes.

Every time we do this Gloria, I always have to intentionally remember not to sing during this part and I always cringe whenver an unsuspecting bystander (or spaced-out Chinese person) accidentally sings, "Lord God, Lamb of God."