Relic of St. Mary Magdalene

As much as I love the Church, one of those things that I'm still trying to more fully understand is the devotion and veneration of relics.  Reading up on it a bit, I can grasp that the bodies of saints as former temples of the Holy Spirit through which many blessings of God were poured out ought to have a special place particularly in light of undertsanding our bodies via the Theology of the Body.  However, in practice, I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

A relic of St. Mary Magdalene (a piece of her tibia) was at Vallombrosa on February 20 making its California tour and I had the opportunity to go and see it.  This was my first time seeing a first-class relic and I had no idea what to expect.

Vallombrosa had provided some history on the relic and so it was nice having an explanation of the timeline all the way back to St. Mary herself.  When it comes to relics, I often find myself wondering how people really know it actually belonged to the saint.  I'm skeptical that some dude dug up a body part, made some outrageous claim, and then here we gullible people are, centuries later, wanting some affirmation of our faith and venerating it.  I don't really believe that, but the thought does cross my mind.  However, knowing how the Church moves and how careful she tries to be when it comes to claims like this helps that.

Entering the chapel where the relic was on display being venerated, there were many people praying before it (her?).  As I waited to go up to it, I was watching what other people were doing.  Most people went up to it, looked/stared at it, presumably praying in their heart, and then closed with a sign of the cross.  Then it was my turn.

"Wow!  That's a big-ass piece of bone."  That was my first thought.  Oops. 

"Hi! ..."  That was my second thought.

I hope I still looked reverent like everyone else.

Not having a lot of experience with non-living human body parts, I was surprised by how dark the bone was.  At the same time, I found myself struck by the fact that this was part of St. Mary Magdalene herself!  This flashed me back to a self-imagined dramatic, epic montage of the Bible stories of St. Mary.  Snapping back to reality, but with gravity still there, I had a deep sense of my faith connection being here in the 21st century going all the way back to the time of Jesus.  I felt privileged to be a part of such a rich history and even empowered to be able to continue on the battle of faith.  I closed with a quick prayer asking St. Mary to pray for me to continue to grow in my understanding of her, this whole relics thing, and following Jesus better.  Not the most eloquent, but it was me.

I think that might be what it's all about.

Procession of the relic of St. Mary

Receiving a Blessing from God

I’ve realized that I have this underlying expectation that in order to receive a tangible blessing from God, I must have met certain requirements.  I need to first be in the “proper” emotionally receptive state to fully be aware of it when it comes so that I have no doubt and I can only receive it after I’ve had a struggle proportional to the size of the blessing.

Why is it that I have a hard time receiving it otherwise?

My Spoon is too Big

I was always under the impression that to be a man meant that you always had to be the big spoon.  It was the position of power and control.  You also got to be the protector and provider of warmth.

Since being married, I now have the possibility of spooning every night and for long periods of time.   However, that has turned the above ideal into awkward placements of the mattress side arm, mouthfuls of hair which always tickles your face first, and getting way too hot.

Being wiser and more married-er, I've discovered that a key to marital bliss actually lies in being the small spoon! The wifey still feels secure and warm wrapping herself around you, your arm no longer needs to go numb under her head (for some reason this isn't as big of a deal for women), and you can breathe easy, hair-free, AND have full control of the blanket thermostat (ie. how much you are in or out of the covers).  You can take that to the bank.

Pregnancy Envy as a Guy

It's really weird as a guy to know what pregnancy envy feels like. Prior to wanting to start a family or even being married, I knew this was an experience for people who desired to have a child, but were having trouble conceiving. Growing up, I knew of certain couples in the church who wanted children, but couldn't and even now, I'm friends with couples experiencing this. It seems pretty obvious that it must be very difficult when people around them are getting pregnant and especially when their good friends who try for the first time and boom, they're pregant. It's also probably very spiritually stretching if you're in a good a place and spiritually dark if you're not.

However, my personal empathy to this experience prior to us wanting to start a family was that I was only affected when talking to these couples directly, hearing them share about their struggles or trying to be sensitive about dropping any mutual friends' baby news.  I didn't really think about it otherwise.  Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

My wife and I have always been very excited to start a family and both desire a large family. But now that we're actually starting to try, the whole shift in mindset has been quite staggering. There are lots of weird little things that I start to notice or think about. Among them:

• It's quite liberating to go from avoiding green and white baby stickers (Creighton Model) to just enjoying each other.  It's funny because in our first few months of marriage, almost every month, there was a day we "shouldn't have used" which caused us to look forward to the next period in anxiety wondering if we got pregnant.  I remember thinking that if we had gotten pregnant, I would've been a bit distraught.
• The whole process has really brought out what my wife and I individually believe about God's goodness to us.  We can tend to struggle with feeling like God asks us to sacrifice things for Him more often than not so we've found ourselves wondering if we'll end up being one of the couples who can't conceive or if we may be parents to a special-needs child or something else.  This has really brought to light the concept of barrenness in the Bible and how it's an age old problem. 
• On that note, the whole process just seems way slower than I expected.  Each month you try during the fertile time and then you just ........... wait.  There's nothing else you can really do to make things happen faster or ensure a positive result.  You just wait and see if the period comes.  It was a bit surprising, but very interesting to see that in conjuction with the common societal value of needing to be in control.  We have only been trying a few months and so far, it's felt like forever.  I know there are tons of couples who are rolling their eyes right now.
• And as you're waiting, I've noticed that my wife struggles with how much to look into every single sign.  I'm starting to cramp --> my period must be coming --> I'm not pregnant =(.  I'm feeling a bit nauseous --> I've had a cold for a while --> or I might be pregnant.  For the woman who is desiring to become pregnant, it feels like such a roller coaster ride.
• On my side, it feels like EVERYONE is pregnant around me.  All of a sudden, I have baby bump radar (or bump-dar).  There are seriously at least six women at work who are pregnant and three guys just announced that their wives are pregnant.  In the same meeting.  It's like it's so easy for other people.  And then that gets me thinking about all of the teen pregancies out there shaking my head in disbelief at how that works out.  Either they are having TONS of sex or they are super fertile. 

Well anyways, forgive my political incorrectness.  This is a new experience.

Reading Anti-Catholic Books

Being someone who loves the Catholic Church, but also had significant faith formation in the Evangelical church, the whole Catholic/Protestant discussion is one that's close to my heart. Books have played a huge role in my love for the Church, particularly those by Scott Hahn, but I have also tried to keep a balanced and open view by reading anti-Catholic books as well, most of which were passed on to me by Protestant friends or family (incidentally, I'm not sure if a few of them actually read the books they recommended). In the past, I've read books like Another Jesus and just finished Once a Catholic. I'm also about to start Preparing Catholics for Eternity.

For me, it's not always easy to read a book from a differing view point than my own (like The God Delusion), but it's an exercise which I find satisfaction in afterwards. I don't consider myself particularly intellectual or an excellent apologist. I know enough to where I stand firm in my faith, though there's always more to learn, and I can talk intelligently about it.

As a result, reading these types of books is always a bit of an internal wrestling match for me. I suppose my initial stance is something like this. When I come across a point that's easily refutable, it's easy to feel self-satisfied and vindicated - "*roll my eyes* See? That's why my faith is the right one!" On the other hand, when I come across a point that seems valid and I can't think of a counter-argument, it's easy for me to want to blow past the section pretending I didn't see it or think that there has to already be a refutation from someone smarter than me or have a momentary flash of, "What if I've been wrong all along?" which is what I think the authors really want.

It's interesting to me to observe my own default disposition when it comes to this type of reading. Obviously, I'll come in with my critical eye on because I know that there are lots different agendas, world views, and experiences out there that I need to be weary of. I also know that if that's my only approach, there's also a whole side of the human experience that I'll miss and to be honest, it can get very tiring. It can be very nice to read things that don't trigger the critical eye and to take in information as fact or sub-consciously absorb it without question. Sometimes, I just want to read something and let it speak to me in all my subjective glory and not worry about all the different arguments on both sides. At the same time, absorbing everything unquestioningly is scary to me. Where is the balance in the middle?