This Virgin Experience

It has been quite an interesting experience being a guy who saved sex until marriage. In our culture, it feels like there are less and less people who are in this group. What's more is that even within this group where "how far is too far" is a common struggle at some point, the way "saved sex until marriage" is defined can vary greatly. Oral sex may be seen as not "technically sex" or being naked together or some sort of dry humping, rubbing, whatever.

For me (I have no problems being honest), my "furthest" experience was passionate making out with my shirt off. I had never seen or felt a woman's boobs or vagina in the context of a romantic relationship (or outside for that matter - the feeling, definitely not the seeing) and the most naked I ever was with a woman, like I said, was with my shirt off which was mainly a way of toeing and playing with the line. I made a commitment to myself later that I wouldn't purposely be shirtless in front of the girl I was dating (who is now my wife) in order to titillate her. The "lack of experience" wasn't because the opportunity didn't afford itself. Sure, it started out with the whole "save sex until marriage" "indoctrination" growing up, but when I really began to question it, it eventually evolved into the awareness of my own selfish desires and power struggles, but also a deeper understanding of what physical intimacy, our bodies, and sex is all about (thank you, Theology of the Body).

Now that you have some sort of context with which to measure (or judge) me, it's probably clear that I don't have much of a problem discussing or talking about these things in general and as it relates to myself. My co-workers found that out real soon and what was quite interesting to me was how fascinated so many of them were that a real life virgin by choice was in their midst. What probably intrigued them more was that I was open about it and not afraid to discuss sexual things even with and among gay co-workers. I guess I didn't fit into any of the usual prude or whatever boxes.

Fittingly, once I got married, my co-workers were curious about what my experience was like and at one point when a few of them were having dinner, my first time wedding night experience became a topic of discussion and so they texted me some questions. Even better/worse, my wife and I practice NFP (Creighton Model) and are open about it. At dinner parties we host, our chart has been known to make appearances to great interest/disbelieving giddiness/uncertain excitement.

There are lots of things I've learned, realized, or understood more deeply since being married, but I'll share that at another time.