The Possimpible Way

I've always liked David Hayward's image of the "Narrow Way".









As I live more and more life, Jesus' words in Matthew 7:13-14 continue to ring more and more true.  It's really hard to follow Jesus and it requires changing, stretching, and conforming our hearts, very painfully at times, to be more like His.  Narrow gate indeed.

I have to admit though, that after seeing Hayward's image, one of the first things that came to my mind was, "Hey, that totally reminds me of the Japanese variety show human tetris game!"



And then after watching the video again, I've come to the conclusion that it's an even better analogy, albeit a much more ridiculous and light-hearted one!  Let me explain:

It's always a shock when we first realize how much is required of us to become a disciple.

Many of us actually make an attempt to try and figure out what it takes to follow Jesus.

Some of us fail...

...even when it looks pretty easy to observers.

(how do they not beat this one?!)

Some of us succeed!...

...only to discover that the next level  in following Jesus is even crazier and more impossible (or possimpible if you will).

 Then on top of that, try to do it in community.

Would I really be pro-life if...

A relative of mine recently got married and found out they were pregnant. As a couple, they are not very well-off financially or in a place the secular culture might deem as being "ready" to start a family.  Not being particularly religious, they were receiving pressure to abort the pregnancy and were seriously considering it as an option.

When I heard about the situation, it hit rather close to home.  It made me realize that in my social circle, there isn't a lot of practical room for a situation like aborting an "unplanned pregnancy" to play out or at least where the couple would share about it as if it were a completely normal and valid option.

All of the catechesis that I've received or that I've taught or that my fellow young adult volunteers at my church teach is mostly theoretical.  We are quite well-versed in the rhetoric, but through this situation, I've realized that very few of us have a deeply personal connection or at the very least, share openly about a deeply personal connection to these life issues in our lives (ABC's tend not to be very vulnerable, but that's a different post entirely).

Being in the middle of our own pregnancy, I've had to face these issues more than I've ever had in the past on a personal level.  It has been a great experience being a part of the West Coast Walk For Life and also praying outside of an abortion clinic, but when our doctor is telling my wife and I about the need for genetic testing so in the case of catastrophic genetic deformity, we would be able to consider our "options," it hits me in a much deeper way.

Thankfully, my conscience has been well-formed enough so that we will receive whoever God gives us, no matter what.  But it was an interesting thought experiment for me to think about what it might feel like to consider abortion in the event of a major disability. 

I found that my immediate, albeit hypothetical, reaction was that all of the dreams of having a normal child, like running around in a lush field of green grass, having rowdy family dinners, cheering at their sporting events, etc., were the first thing to be offended and since that's what I really wanted - those experiences - the child, not being able to provide that, so I would think, didn't fit. 

The second reaction was thinking about all of the work and sacrifice that I hadn't signed up for.  There were expectations of a normal first few years of sleepless nights and diaper changes, but eventually the child would gain more and more independence and ultimately, we would have an empty-nest.  I didn't sign up to have to care for this child the rest of my life, never regaining the independence that I was supposing to only be temporarily giving up (see #2).

I found both reactions to be selfish.

On the flip side of the earlier situation, I lay awake that night asking myself, "If [the couple] were going to go through with the abortion, do I value life so much that I would volunteer to adopt their child?  I mean, I talk the pro-life talk, but do I believe it so much that I would sacrifice my life in this way so that a priceless life that I always teach/preach about would be saved?  Of course I would have to talk it over with [my wife]...I wonder what she would think.  It would be almost like having twins.  That would be CRRRAZY.  Jon and Kate Plus Eight here we come?  And it's interesting that the only way I'm having this conversation with myself (Thought Inception!) is because I'm married.  This definitely wouldn't work if I was still single.  Funny how marriage changes things..."  I think I fell asleep after that.

Thankfully, the couple has decided to keep their child!  That has now led me down the line of thinking how we can help support them and future play dates.

Buying a House?!

My wife and I are trying to buy a house in the Bay Area and the numbers are so big that it just feels like Monopoly money.  Like Jon Acuff says in this post (#2), as we are going to open houses and meeting with our realtor, I keep find myself wondering when the adults are going to show up and make the real decisions.

Growing up in an affluent Chinese family, there was never a need to talk numbers.  Though my parents are helping us out quite a bit, they just gave me a rundown of our financial history.  Talk about a bubble burst.

Pregnancy Envy as a Guy

It's really weird as a guy to know what pregnancy envy feels like. Prior to wanting to start a family or even being married, I knew this was an experience for people who desired to have a child, but were having trouble conceiving. Growing up, I knew of certain couples in the church who wanted children, but couldn't and even now, I'm friends with couples experiencing this. It seems pretty obvious that it must be very difficult when people around them are getting pregnant and especially when their good friends who try for the first time and boom, they're pregant. It's also probably very spiritually stretching if you're in a good a place and spiritually dark if you're not.

However, my personal empathy to this experience prior to us wanting to start a family was that I was only affected when talking to these couples directly, hearing them share about their struggles or trying to be sensitive about dropping any mutual friends' baby news.  I didn't really think about it otherwise.  Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

My wife and I have always been very excited to start a family and both desire a large family. But now that we're actually starting to try, the whole shift in mindset has been quite staggering. There are lots of weird little things that I start to notice or think about. Among them:

• It's quite liberating to go from avoiding green and white baby stickers (Creighton Model) to just enjoying each other.  It's funny because in our first few months of marriage, almost every month, there was a day we "shouldn't have used" which caused us to look forward to the next period in anxiety wondering if we got pregnant.  I remember thinking that if we had gotten pregnant, I would've been a bit distraught.
• The whole process has really brought out what my wife and I individually believe about God's goodness to us.  We can tend to struggle with feeling like God asks us to sacrifice things for Him more often than not so we've found ourselves wondering if we'll end up being one of the couples who can't conceive or if we may be parents to a special-needs child or something else.  This has really brought to light the concept of barrenness in the Bible and how it's an age old problem. 
• On that note, the whole process just seems way slower than I expected.  Each month you try during the fertile time and then you just ........... wait.  There's nothing else you can really do to make things happen faster or ensure a positive result.  You just wait and see if the period comes.  It was a bit surprising, but very interesting to see that in conjuction with the common societal value of needing to be in control.  We have only been trying a few months and so far, it's felt like forever.  I know there are tons of couples who are rolling their eyes right now.
• And as you're waiting, I've noticed that my wife struggles with how much to look into every single sign.  I'm starting to cramp --> my period must be coming --> I'm not pregnant =(.  I'm feeling a bit nauseous --> I've had a cold for a while --> or I might be pregnant.  For the woman who is desiring to become pregnant, it feels like such a roller coaster ride.
• On my side, it feels like EVERYONE is pregnant around me.  All of a sudden, I have baby bump radar (or bump-dar).  There are seriously at least six women at work who are pregnant and three guys just announced that their wives are pregnant.  In the same meeting.  It's like it's so easy for other people.  And then that gets me thinking about all of the teen pregancies out there shaking my head in disbelief at how that works out.  Either they are having TONS of sex or they are super fertile. 

Well anyways, forgive my political incorrectness.  This is a new experience.

2011 West Coast Walk For Life

I went with a group to the West Coast Walk For Life yesterday. I consider myself pro-life, but I'm not very ... militant ... about it. Don't get me wrong, I think there is something very powerful and worthwhile in being on the front-lines of the battle. We need those people. I'm not sure if I'm one of them at the moment. It may be a calling thing or it might just be that my heart isn't convicted enough about it yet. Personally, I prefer battling it out through teaching on it and engaging with people one on one about it. I feel like I can communicate and dialogue about it in a much more productive manner. Maybe it has to do with my non-confrontational (Chinese) nature. But either way, I was out there walking yesterday.

It was pretty powerful to see the vast amounts of people and there were a few interesting things that stood out to me.

1. With all the talk about life and anti-abortion, I was surprised that there was no talk about sex. It's weird to me that you can talk about what people do as the result of having sex without actually talking about sex. Maybe it's too risque with kids around and "sex" being "adult content," but there's gotta be a way to do it without triggering peoples' fears of awkward conversations on the birds and the bees? With media bombarding us constantly with sex and sexualized images, if we never talk about it as a group in a wholesome way, can we ever combat it? I saw a lot of teenagers there and I couldn't help but think that there is likely a number of them that may find themselves facing the hard decision of whether or not to keep the baby. I dunno. I just think it's helpful to connect abortion and sex on the activist front.

2. Debriefing the experience with the group I went with, the most memorable part for people were the counter-protesters. Many of them were quite out there in terms of the way they dressed - classic San Franciscans (think PRIDE). What's interesting about it is that you really only saw them over a very small part (maybe one block) of the two mile walk, but they were the most memorable part. Watching the pro-lifers walking by watching the pro-choice protesters, there were lots of interested looks, picture-taking, the occasional shouting match, and lots of misunderstanding on both sides. I did, however, hear a few passing comments on both sides of interest and/or agreement (if only partial) of certain signs which brings me to my last thought.

3. The signage for the most part did not impress me. A lot of it on the pro-life side was the same-old rhetoric (is that bad of me to say?). There were some occasional good signs on both sides and by good I mean creative, sharp, or in-your-face. I even think that my group had a few of the better signs out there (I'm probably biased). But maybe I don't really understand the point of signs. Based on the event itself, it's already clear where people in the walk stand and so it should already be understood that the issue is divisive. Wouldn't it be more helpful for some of the signage to help build bridges or even just to ease some of the tension unto helping bring about some understanding that there are people on both sides, not just a faceless enemy? I'm thinking next year, I will make a big sign out of white board (dry-erase) material so that I can have rotating material. If I had one this year, the following might've made it on:

"Go Giants!"
I may have missed the boat on this one. Who knows if we'll have World Series solidarity next year.

"Chinese Catholics. Yes, we exist. Yes, most of us are single."
Sorry, just a bit of remaining bitterness and wanting to be noticed in a crowd.

"I love Jesus & I love sex!"
This should be worth a high-five or two.